Gustaakhi Maaf... ;-)

It has been a year…in fact more than that. Somehow theory of relativity is much more comprehensible than ever before. For a little more than a year now, I’ve been dappling with being a woman...not just a fateful happenstance, but by deliberate practice. I can’t really say I have perfected the art of being a woman yet…have a long way to go. But yes, I’ve reached a place I initially thought would be impossible for me to reach.

I cannot take credit for my humble achievements in my foray into womanhood...very humble they are. There are so many potters in my life who have applied their strength and art in shaping me up. I am nowhere close to being the masterpiece that they aim to make me, but yes, I can for sure share certain pearls of wisdom with the silly doves about to take The Plunge.

Here goes:

Ø  Saasu Maa is an oxymoron! :-P 

Ø  Pati Parmeshwar is really that, Parmeshwar. If you are lucky, he’ll be your Sarthi like Krishna was to Arjun in Mahabharata. If not, then he will expect to be waited on hand and foot like some Lord and master. 

Ø  After marriage, go bang your head against a wall (you will get many impulses to do so, so you need not worry about how to bring it about) and forget all that you have learnt in the 22-24 odd years of your existence. You are to embrace new beliefs and disbeliefs without a demur.

Ø  You are to not just plant the seeds, but grow a tree of love for your new family within seconds of saying “I do”.

Ø  Saying “I’m missing my family” somehow means that your new family ain’t keeping you well. Especially your husband.

How is that conclusion drawn? Please contact my PP for an explanation.

Ø  Kitchen is your territory and you have to conquer it you shall! Sumptuous food on table = husband in your pocket.

Ø  It is a sin to make your husband cook and clean. If you are that kind of sinner, repent by being as grateful as is humanly possible, and more. Also, clean up the kitchen after him. It is another sin to expect him to clean up after himself. Isn’t it enough that he cooked?!

Ø  It is a sin to be a career oriented woman. You have to pay for this sin by hearing your family crib about the hardships they have to endure while you are having fun at work and you also have to hear your boss condescend you for giving priority to your family rather than work. Being a superwoman is an essential for the job description of a wife. So forewarned is forearmed!

Ø  It is as invincible as the law of gravity that MIL, SIL and all the “in-laws” that your MIL favours are always right. Daring to say a word against them is the biggest sin ever. Hence, becoming partially deaf and blind and dumb is of utmost importance.

Ø  Your husband can never go wrong. In the face of a conflict, it is your holy duty to bow down with folded hands and say you are sorry for even entertaining the idea that you might be right.

Ø  Anticipating your husband’s mood and acting accordingly is another very important duty. Failing to do so is a cardinal sin. So be mindful!

Ø  It is your prime duty to know how many socks your husband owns, how many are washed and kept in which place and how many are hanging on the drying line in your backyard, how many of which colour he owns as well as which type. Same goes for handkerchiefs, shirts and pants and the like.

Ø  Please do not be a typical wife…whatever that means or entails. That is another sin you ought not to commit if you want stay up in your husband’s estimation.

Ø  In dowry, it is essential to bring your battery charger. At all times, you are to stay charged upto at least 50%, if not more. You have to take prior permission if you want to get discharged.

Ø  Why is Durga Maa worshipped? Because she manifested a number of hands that would come handy in handling all the myriad tasks assigned to a woman. Your sins have ensured you aren’t going to manifest as many hands, but you have to make sure that the two you have are conditioned to take care of everything under the sun, and beyond!

Ø  It is your duty to know when to be a lamb and when to be a tigress. Rest is understood. I hope.

Although I am quite ashamed of the fact that I have committed and I am committing many sins mentioned above and I am guilty of dereliction of my duties to a great extent, my husband and even my new family still somehow manage to love me. Now that I am sure is an accomplishment worthy of a standing ovation! J

It is THAT Time of the Year Again...

It is that time of the year again when chilly mornings and crisp air make me wish to snuggle into a dreamful blanket for another snooze.

It is that time of the year again when Merry Making seems most justified and "Giving" takes on myriad meanings. 

It is that time of the year again when I wish I were a kid so that Santa would leave presents under by pillow while I sleep.

It is that time of the year again when Carols and Cakes fill my heart with goodness and make me break into an impromptu jig.

It is that time of the year again when I wish I could go back to school, decorate a X'mas tree with my mates and make my own snow man, hang stockings all around and run from corridor to corridor dressing up my school in Christmas glee.  

It is that time of the year again when "Joy to the world", "Mary's boy child", "Silent night", "Jingle Bells" all force their way out of my reminiscences and into the open in my terrible voice.

It Is Christmas Time Once Again! :-D

May Lord Jesus Bless You All with a Heart that Finds Gladness in GIVING its Fellow Beings a Gift of Smile and is Open to receiving God's Grace and His Infinite Mercies. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE!!  :-)

I AM GETTING MARRRIIIIEEEEEEDD!!! :-) or :-( ??

I am getting married...I am getting married...well I am just trying to get used to that idea...I still find it all too surreal and keep getting all sorts of utlaa pulta thoughts. I came across the following and it helped me get a grip...hence, sharing.

"He's not perfect, You aren't either and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make u laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human & making mistakes, hold on to him & give him the most u can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him and don't expect more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy; yell when he makes you mad. Miss him when he's not there, Love him when you want to love, because perfect guys don't exist. However, there is always one guy who is perfect for YOU" - Bob Marley.

My man isn't perfect, but then, neither am I...far from it. Perfection is boring anyway...leaves nothing to work on. I like him...a work in progress, just like me...just like our relationship. :-)

KABHI KISI KO MUKAMMAL JAHAAN NAHI MILTA...

Some feelings are universal, and hence, the borrowed words...

kabhi kisi ko mukammal jahaan nahi milta,
kahin zameen to kahin aasmaa nahi milta.

tamaam shahar mein aisa nahi k khuloos na ho,
jahaan ummeed ho iski wahaan nahi milta.

kahaan chiraag jalayein, kahaan gulaab rakhein,
chhatein to milti hain lekin makaan nahi milta.

yeh kya ajab hai sab apne aap mein gum hain,
zubaan mili hai magar hamzubaan nahi milta.

chiraag jale hi bina bujhne lagta hai,
khud apne ghar mein hi ghar ka nishaan nahi milta. 

kabhi kisi ko mukammal jahaan nahi milta,
kahin zameen to kahin aasmaa nahi milta.

 

**********************************************************

Manzilein bhi uski thi, raasta bhi uska tha;

Ek hum akele they, kaafila bhi uska tha;

 

Saath saath chalne ki soch bhi uski thi, 

Phir raasta badalne ka faisla bhi uska tha.

 

Aaj kyon akele hain, Dil sawaal karta hai...;

 

Log to uske they, kya Khudaa bhi uska tha?

 

When life was simple, and so was I...

There was a time when life was simple, and so was I...
When Sundays meant Mowgli and Mahabharata and Medikar...
When riding a horse at Baludyaan was a thrill unsurpassed...
When school meant teachers and friends and all the fun which could possibly be squeezed into those few hours...
When math homework was the only cloud darkening my skies...
When escaping punishment for talking too much in the class was the only dread in my heart...
When tying my hairs into two plaits with ribbons seemed like rocket science...
When toffees from birthday girls was treat enough...
When quarelling for the "upar ki seat" in the rickshaw seemed like a justified battle against injustice...
When getting to write on the black board and running errands for the teachers seemed like an honour...
When front row seat in the class was the biggest bone of contention....
When the number of friendship bands on a girl's wrist announced her popularity...
When games period equaled nirvana...
When jumping in water puddles in the school ground and splashing dirty muddy water on my friends was the highlight of my day...
When samosas seemed like a culinary delight, especially with that special chutney that school canteen vale bhaiyya made...
When tamarind tree and soap nut tree provided shelter from the wicked sun, and their branches made for great swings...
When screaming cheers at the top of my lungs for my house to win on the sports day gave an amazing kind of rush that no drug can...
When winning did not matter as much and losing was not as disheartening...
When sticking chewing gum on the teacher's chair seemed like the wildest thing possible, and imitating them seemed like the best form of art...
When laughing like insane even without any reason did not seem unwarranted or silly...
When laughter and jubilation did not instill a sense of impending doom in my heart...
When eating tiffin in between the classes seemed like a laudable achievement...
When fire always burnt in the mountains giving me ample time to run run run...
When writing my exams was the only stress on my mind and running in the P.T. period the only strain on my nerves...
When my teachers pulled my ears for my errant behaviour and laughed at my silly antics...
When a paper star pasted by my teacher on my home work seemed like the real thing...perhaps even better than real...
When anger did not last forever and fights were resolved by the next lunch time break...
When dance and drama were a part of everyday life and "stand outside the class!" seemed like a boon...
When the opportunity to wear "coloured dress" seemed like the ultimate bliss and Christmas meant carols and cribs...
When children's day was meant for me and growing up only involved turning eighteen...
When no storms seemed impossible to weather and the ride was as much anticipated as the destination...
When dreams knew no bounds or reason, and the moon seemed only a jump away...
When the possibility of happening upon a prince charming did not seem too fanciful, and cynicism did not form a part of my vocabulary...
Those were the days...that was the time...
Amazing memories and hilarious moments...
When life was simple, and so was I.

Chakk De!!

At the beginning of this year, I was optimism personified. I thought I am the new age Bachendri Pal and Milkha Singh rolled into one...what is an Everest of problems and miles of rocky terrain in front of my perseverance and determination?!! Everything seemed conquerable and I had enough courage to embrace emotions that usually scare the hell out of me. My last blog post is evidence to that effect. So there I was, all brimming positivity and stupid smiles, thinking I am a Phenomenal woman (ha!).  In the hindsight, I can see how God must have been laughing off at my foolish optimism and planning ways for putting it to test.

It indeed pains me to accept that this new and rejuvenated me did not last for very long. Life dished out ecstasy and I got too drunk on it to see where I was going, and then, BANG! I collided against the walls of reality and my fragile optimism got all banged up with me. It seemed like the end of the world got preponed from 2012 to 2011, and I am being judged and declared unworthy for everything that counts. However, this blog post is not about my sob story, but rather about my New Year resolution, which surprisingly I could keep and practice to a certain extent.

I welcomed 2011 with a promise to myself that I would give love and life a chance...that I would be courageous and face my feelings rather than try to shove them out of my mind. I am very proud to announce that I did keep my New Year resolution. I stopped being my usual cynical and dark self and embraced life head on and full on....but here comes kahani mein twist...life said, "How very PRESUMPTUOUS of you!!" 

I was flummoxed. I could not fathom what I did to arouse such a reaction from life. Is it audacious of me to want a fairy tale? I don't think so!! So OK, I know I am far from perfect. I know I am not Santa's favourite kid by any stretch of imagination. But hey! I'd rather be the original and unadulterated version of myself than be a miss goody two shoes trying to walk in shoes two sizes smaller for appearances’ sake! I’d rather be an insolent girl (wonder if I am too old now to call myself a “girl” ;-)) who has the nerve to abandon her timidity and shame and insecurities for long enough to wish for the moon! I also threw that Paulo Coelho balderdash ("the whole universe conspires so that your wish may come true") back in the mocking face of life and told her to “suit up!” Of course such temerity and impudence came from the fact that I was riding high on the illusory ecstasy...yes (...sigh...) it was all an illusion.

In the ensuing time, my positivity and optimism and my courage were badly tested. I cried for my lost illusions and became my worst enemy. I closed the doors to my mind and my heart once again and started licking my wounds in relative privacy. But then, out of nowhere, dimaag ki batti jali and I could see everything in its right perspective once again. What brought this enlightenment? Don't have the faintest idea! I think it was just my intelligent and wise and rational self (heeeahaaaw!) asserting itself and reminding me that I can't go back now...I can't give up now...I cannot let the pathetic me win and that I have to fight hard to achieve victory for whatever teeny tiny bit of wise me is there in existence. 

  

So here I am, in the middle of the year...making fervent efforts to continue with my New Year resolution. Yes I am scared because deciding to wear my heart on my sleeves would possibly make my poor dimaag ka dahi and dil ki chatnee.   But then, I figured that only two fates can meet my heart when so exposed, first, it could find all it desires by letting the universe in on its secret recesses, or second, it'll learn to pick up its broken pieces and put them back together to become whole again. I refuse to entertain a third possibility!! Being vulnerable is not my favourite thing or even one of the agreeable things. But then, what other choice do I have? Becoming a Meena Kumari ain’t my thing…I can’t go around screaming “Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiii”. My feeble attempts at turning myself into a tortoise with a hard shell failed miserably…I realized that creating that hard shell around myself only made my movements slow and earned me the title of Rashpreet Kaur Kachhuaa from my Boss. Fortunately, hope has a way of finding a way into my heart...disappointment usually follows close behind, but someday, maybe, just maybe, my hopes might get fulfilled, and to reach that moment, I am ready to bear all the crap as the final victory would be mine and it would be so much sweeter! :-)

Love actually is all around us...

Beginning of a New Year is the time when we all get to thinking about the old year and make resolutions for the new one. The resolutions we make are mostly the reflections of what we did not do or did not do right in the past and what we intend to change. I for one have realized that this past year I've been thinking with a cynic's heart and mind and it has brought me nothing but hopelessness and misery. Somewhere down the line, I lost my faith in Love and friendship, which is pretty sad I'd say. In a profession where I see relationships going kaput everyday and emotions being faked or ridiculed, I thought residing in a shell would be for the best. However, inside this shell that I built around me, I found life has become pretty monotonous...although I am not losing anything, I am also not gaining anything worthwhile. Hence, I've decided to come out of my shell and begin living again.

I believe the greatest happiness in the world is the conviction that you are loved…unconditionally, totally and irrevocably…but cynics say such love does not exist any more…I, however, beg to differ. This year, when you look around at the world that surrounds you, I wish you would look and really see, with eyes pure and wise, the beauty of love…the Piety of love…and be blessed with the unadulterated joy that love brings. Love actually is all around you…I wish you would find it in your heart to forgive the love that was but no more is and unearth the courage within you to give love another chance. Or if you've never really found the courage to embrace love and life ever before, then I wish you would find the strength to do so this year...let go of your insecurities and fears and live full on and make “living” your life your only resolution…the unbreakable one. As the song goes, if you love really love somebody, come on and let it show. Here’s to Living and Loving…Cheers!!

Love is All Around Me...awesome song!!

A TRIBUTE TO MY STUPID ROLLY POLLY MENTAL MENON!! ;))

CLASSIFICATION OF JAISNA a.k.a. MENTAL MENON

KINGDOM: Nuttyland

PHYLUM: Bananababy                                         

CLASS: Extraordinaire

ORDER: Chaos-garh

FAMILY: www

GENUS: Non Compos Mentis 

SPECIE: Loony-tunes

CHARACTERISTICS OF Mental Menon

Jaisna Menon is a girl like none other who will blind you with her grin and fool you with the faux innocence in her eyes and rob your heart away. Her facial expressions have become subjects for many researches nation-wide and the scientists are flummoxed as to how she manages to look sooooo stupid most of the time.

Madame Tussauds has expressed an urge to immortalize her "mental look" in wax and the negotiations for the same are being handled by her long time friend Avi Kavi.

After deep study and much contemplation, the scientists have now found out that Mental Menon has over-developed and over-sensitive tear ducts which get activated on the slightest change in the chemical make-up inside her brain. The point to be noted here is that her brain lacks gray matter and is full of bhoosa. It is being conjectured now that all that bhoosa is the reason behind the unique play of emotions which are portrayed amazingly across the canvas of her face.

The recent studies into the bhoosa filled brain of mental Menon tell us that she has some chemical locha inside her brain and has a very loose and light lid on her emotions, which is why her lid blows off every now and then even on non-issues.

Further research has brought forth  certain other characteristics of Mental Menon which make her totally unique. They are:

1. Her staple food is Chhole bhature and Crispy Veg. Currently a leaning towards "Underworld k Kababs" is being noticed in her.

2. She has an exceptionally well-developed and highly advanced radar for circling in on the "cool dudes" and those "cool dudes" fall for all her words hook, line and sinker.

3. She has, just like a chameleon, the ability to look as innocent as a doe and as khoonkhaar as the great Khali within minutes.

4. Mental Menon has a unique style of dancing which was exhibited recently at the so called Prom and also DJ party at BACL. The less said about it is best.

5. She has the talent of extolling a person to great heights and then stripping that very person of his dignity and morale, depending upon which particular chemical in her bhoosadised brain has taken a dive or has shot up.  

6. She has the strength to stick with her friends just like "fevicol ka mazboot jod jo achhe se achha bhi na tod paye".

7. She has the grit to speak her mind and wish all the parliamentarians "Happy Mother's Day" in the middle of Parliamentarian debate.

8. She has a heart of gold that is quite big in all its dimensions, which is why she has sheltered so many lost causes, mad bats, wounded souls, weeping willows, plain Janes, clowns and cynics. Her heart is also the permanent residence of three intelligent, wise, and intellectual beings namely, Ms. Balasubramanian, Ms. Kaur and Ms. Ingle.

9. She belongs to the FOOLS Gang and looks the part with great ease and poise. 

10. She has a deep love of cameras and mirrors and is usually found grinning at them , and I must add here that the cameras love her right back!

11. She has amazingly developed hearing power for catching gossips being shared within a 50 meter radius around her.and great vision, including night vision, which she uses to hunt down the males of human specie. 

12. She basically understands nothing and can seldom keep up with any conversation,  and has a perpetual expression on her face which says "I'm clueless".

13. She has a well-developed, cushy and soft shoulder on which her friends are welcome any time to shed tears. She provides this service over phone as well with great ease.

14. She aspires to be a "  ( b l a n k)  " and this same aspiration is shared by her two friends Avi Kavi and Rocking Rash.

Further research as regards Mental Menon is still on with the scientists trying day and night to figure out the phenomenon that is "Jaisna Menon". However, one thing is certain that no where in this world can one find a girl like MM...she is the candle which lights up the lives of all around her..she is sorely missed when not around and sorely cursed when around...Ms. Ingle and Ms. Kaur and even Ms. Balasubramanian find life rather dull with Mental Menon not present between them and hence, a petition in the Court of Godji has been filed praying for uniting all the fools once again so that life can be fun again. :))

MY TEACHERS BESTEST!!!! :))

They scolded me,

They punished me,

They called me stupid, 

But they saw to it that I straightened up my act.

They laughed with me,

They cried with me,

They helped me,

But left me alone to learn on my own the lessons that cannot be taught.

                           

They corrected my spellings,

They corrected my gait,

They corrected my posture,

But allowed me to grow at my own rate.

They held my hand,

They pulled my ears,

They called me a pain in their neck,

But my being they loved.

They watched me like an eagle,

They cared for me like a mother hen,

They protected me from storms of reality,

But when the storms finally hit me, they inspired me to begin again.

They never spoon fed me,

They pushed me into deep waters,

They were hard task-masters,

But they always stood behind me, ready to catch me when my steps faltered.

However, what they couldn't teach me was how to write poetry, but in their praise, even an awful composition would sound good because although there might be no rhythm or rhyme to what I write,it is backed by a soul deep honesty and sincere appreciation.

On this Teacher's Day, I want to express my eternal Gratitude for all my teachers who cared enough to pull me up whenever it seemed that I am about to slip. I love each and every one of you and I pray that May God Bless this Earth with Your Presence for another Thousand Years to come 'cause fools like me will always need teachers like you'll.

A VERY HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY TO ALL MY TEACHERS...MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL WITH ALL THINGS SWEET AND SUGARY!! :)

P.S. Dear teachers, Please don't cringe on seeing the word "bestest" in the title...I do know no such word exists...but sometimes right words are not enough to express the depth of your feelings, and "bestest" is the best I could come up with. :)